A Little Princess

Come back to me

2009-04-06T03:37:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry blogger.
I've made up my mind.
We've shared some good times,
we've shared some bad times but
I've made a decision. I'm leaving you.
I'm leaving you for tumblr, because there
I can express myself, through other peoples words.
Because I don't seem to be able to do so on my own just yet.

*but don't worry. I'm sure I'll be back

You probably got it all figured out

2009-04-05T11:58:00.001-07:00

I don't like post overload but this is an amazing Hermann Hesse quote which sums up exactly how I feel;

“The diabolical thing about melancholy is not that it makes you ill but that it makes you conceited and shortsighted; yes, almost arrogant. You lapse into bad taste, thinking of yourself as Heine’s Atlas, whose shoulders support all the world’s puzzles and agonies, as if thousands, lost in the same maze, did not endure the same agonies. ”

I can't think of any pictures that will make me feel better

Say Anything

2009-04-05T10:40:00.000-07:00

I hate being all melancholy and acting like someone just died, but I just don't know what else to do.
I try to take solace in the things I read, but they just end up upsetting and confusing me further.

I mean, how do you go from this, which tells you to risk everything and do whatever it takes, to this, which tells you to let them go...

I just want to be told what to do. Tell me that you're mine or tell me to let you go. Just say anything...something. Talk to me. Please.

Here we go again...

2009-04-04T13:24:00.000-07:00

I want to say it's happening all over again but then again, it never really had an ending to start with.
I thought a few months would be enough, but it really wasn't. It was my fault last time, and guess what, I'm guilty again. There are times I wish I could go back so that we never happened, so I wouldn't have to feel like this now... but then I remember all the lovely things and they almost make it worth while. Yet I hate to remember them because it makes my situation now so much more real, and its heart breaking. I know it happens to everyone at least once but I can't help but feel so alone and like no-one else understands. I wake up some mornings and forget, sort of like when you wake up and for a few seconds you're still half asleep...you smile and think everything is fine, then it takes another couple of seconds for your brain to remind you, actually sweetheart, this is whats real, this is your life now, you're not together anymore ....then I just want to will myself back to sleep where I can dream and pretend, so I don't have to walk around with a fake smile and try hard not to cry infront of my friends.

Everything is so much harder. Sometimes I'm lucky and I don't think about it for a while, but other times it's just there, constantly in my head. Last time I couldn't even get up and put the kettle on without bursting into tears. My family got sick of it, and I suppose that helped me to stop. I'm just so confused right now, and I think I'm most likely going to be disappointed again but I have a TINY TINY bit of hope that I'm holding on to.......

I wish.

Girl, you'll be a woman soon...

2008-12-01T10:37:00.000-08:00

My birthday is in 7 days and I don't think I've been this excited about it since I got into double figures! However, being 18 will have some draw backs; I can't get away with going untaxed at work and I can't use the 'I'm not 18' excuse to get rid of people trying to make me fill out questionnaires for life insurance.

Last month was not an experience I'd like to repeat and I'm really glad that it has only taken a few small things to make me feel really happy again. December '08 is set to be amazingly fun and hopefully I'll have a smile all the way through.

So don't let me down, okay? I'm countin' on you to make me famous

2008-11-21T10:19:00.000-08:00

I feel so let down and humiliated right now. I just want to get away from it all...

Yeah, in South Africa, a long time ago. I wonder if he'll recognize me

2008-08-11T04:06:00.000-07:00

Days since tour ended - 4

Days I have been moping -4

Going away on tour with your school I have decided, is one of the best experiences you can have as a teenager. Realising it doesn't last forever is one of the worst. I had such a brilliantly amazing time away and being back home makes me feel suffocated and restricted. I miss the people, the places we visited and all the fun we had. I've got memories that will last a lifetime and a new found desire to see as much of the world as I can. Also, a new career in the works - a travel writer!

I gotta be honest to you, I've never really liked that kind of music.

2008-07-17T11:09:00.000-07:00

I'm going to South Africa tomorrow, some how I don't think I'll be getting much sleep tonight, as I haven't put everything in my kit bag yet.

However that's not my main dilemma. Updating my ipod is. It's rather seriously stressful.

...Do I really need this much Kanye West!? Is Pendulum a good choice for the 10 hour flight? A soulwax remix of ladytrons 'seventeen'? I haven't even heard this before, but I have the urge to slip it in anyway?

ARGHHHHH!

...You keep coming back here, honey, and I'm going broke.

2008-07-10T11:57:00.000-07:00

I had a job interview on tuesday, and I thought it went really well, but as per usual I didn't get lucky and I'm still jobless.

To make it worse I am now apparently getting my allowance cut from £30 a month to £5.

Thats £5. For train tickets, the cinema, dvds & every thing else that I feel the urge to buy, like shampoo . I don't think my mother actually means it , so I'm hoping she doesn't follow through with this threat.

If she does I am royally screwed.

Maybe I'm being too negative? If she does cut it then that means I really NEED to get a job, even if it means posting my babysitting leaflet through EVERY SINGLE letter box of the UB7-10 district or entering every competition that offers £££ as a prize. Wet t-shirt contests here I come.

So even though I feel quite angry right now, I'm going to let it all go because I did have a really nice day today, watching Howl's Moving Castle on the sofa with la boyfriend. Instead of school sports day.

Alice -1 Bitch Tits -0

This inspires me to be positive in this situation. Sigh

An arctic summer

2008-05-18T03:57:00.000-07:00

"Weather is the most talked about topic between fellow englishmen."

Probably.

It was gorgeous this time last sunday, 25 degrees,blue skies, birds chirping- I was out in the garden sunning myself. One week later I am forced into my room with 3 jumpers on , because there is no room to work downstairs and shucks, isn't it just my luck that my room is FREEZING. This is also due to the fact my mother won't let me have the heating on. However, she is going out soon muahahah. Or I could just try running around the house in an attempt to keep warm.

Crisis #2

2008-04-15T05:52:00.000-07:00

Will these document questions EVER get finished?

Will Ellie EVER put me as a contact on her phone to end the coversations of;
HEY ELLIE, YOU STILL SMELLY?
hahahahaha yes! who is this?!

Will I ever START revising?

sigh sigh sighhh. Driving in a minute. honk honk.

"We saw you pulling!"

2008-04-14T12:36:00.000-07:00

I just spent an hour facebooking/msning with fiona over all the photos on the 'we saw you pulling' facebook group.

Described as a 'game' - It is the "ability to spot the opportune moment to get a great picture of yourself, with a little bit of background action going on".

We have decided it will be our mission on future nights out - best pose is thumbs up big grin WHEEEY. It does seem like a bit of a cover up - you can't get any action so you go and make fun of some poor souls who have managed to get it on. Seriously though, some of the pictures! No sex on the dancefloor please! Also according to the wall this has resulted in ruining relationships, so be careful next time you go in for the pull those of you who AREN'T single!

Crisis mode

2008-04-14T03:59:00.000-07:00

Last Thursay , living room.

Mother - "Why dont you wear that top that Dad paid for, the one from debenhams?"
Me- " What top? (thinking about the lilac one I got in the sale) I paid for that top, he wasn't even with me when I bought it!"
Mother - "You went with Dad! It's blue!"
Me- "Eh?!"

Mother goes off and then comes back downstairs holding a navy shirt from oasis that I have worn once and then forgotten about.

I think this is the proof I needed to believe the statement 'you have too many clothes now'.

Leather for leather

2008-04-13T06:16:00.000-07:00

Gotta love the Richards. Apparently he had hepatitis C but his body managed to cure itself by carring on in the same exact manner – i.e. continuing to take drugs and alcohol. Seriously, he is going to donate himself to science once he’s popped his clogs. He probably has a pickled liver or something equally as lovely. Anyway, he has added another career to his CV whilst there’s still time – he now models for Louis Vuitton.

I must say his face is amazing, Gordon Ramsay in 30 years time! To prevent my skin ever looking like this I will be under taking the beauty secret provided by Peggy Lipton, (former model). At 61 she looks AMAZING. This is her on the right with her daughter, she totally looks like a cousin or something , not a mum.

Apparently she puts it all down to moisturizing , so I am going to hire someone to follow me round and slather me at timed intervals. The sun can get you even on a cloudy day, but I never wear SPF or a hat all the time, so I'll probably end up going down the Richards route.

If I was a rich girl

2008-04-13T05:59:00.000-07:00

This would be top of my want list :

Yummy yummy Stam bag. It has never really caught my attention before, but now I have discovered it in pink, I'm in love. This is unlike me as I am NOT a pink girly girl, even though you'd get that impression from my room which looks like ' Barbie had her head cut off and then her insides got sprayed all over the walls' - according to la boyfriend.
Thanks mum! (The wallpaper was really expensive and my brothers are going to have this room anyway, so I can't redecorate boo hoo)

This would be second :

..set upon set of gorgeous Agent Provocateur lingerie.
I would feel like a princess in this and rightfully so. I can see myself donning a trench coat and then flashing people a la Amanda in Ugly Betty.

Gym Bunny

2008-04-13T05:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had a horrid morning because I got really jealous and therefore angry about myself and my behaviour. When I get angry at myself I start being really critical and things that don’t usually worry me , become my biggest faults. Like how my hair suddenly wasn’t good enough, I was too fat, I was too pale, I was too boring.

So after a couple of anger vents to munnerz I decided f all this, I’m going to the gym!

Earlier this year I had a real thing for the gym, and I kept that up religiously …for about 3 weeks. Then I got my lazy back on, and stopped borrowing my mum’s card. So it was a real boost knowing that I still had the drive to get my arse in gear. Although I did spend about an hour updating my ipod before I went , to listen to the same 10 songs over and over again. I went for an hour and a half and didn’t work as hard as I used to, but I’m not beating myself up over that. Better to start slowly than burn out, is my excuse!

I burnt 510 calories and definitely felt better about everything as I finished up. I also got to weigh myself at the club, seeing as my mum stole the bathroom scales to take to work so they could use them for their weekly weigh in (special k diet). It turns out I am 7st 12lbs..This is JUST under eight stone, but its still in the 7 band which makes me sickeningly happy. Isn’t it disgusting how numbers on a dial can control your mood? I was on a high for ages, as I haven’t been under 8 stone for months. Although it is only by 1 or 2lbs, to me that makes all the difference .

This is my favourite machine , according to my dad it is called a 'cross trainer'.

These have become my workout songs, they are the reason I'll keep on going for another 2 or 3 minutes, every time baby!

- Heart breaker – Will.I.am

- Work (Freemasons Arabic remix) – Kelly Rowland

- Surveillance - Wynter Gordon

- Come on girl – Taio Cruz

- Diamonds are forever – Kanye West

- Piece of Me – Britney Spears

- Five minutes to Midnight – boys like girls

I would rather be outside walking, playing tennis , rock climbing or in the pool for aqua aerobics than at the gym, but unfortunately I don’t live on a health farm.

I'm like cat here, a no-name slob!

2008-04-13T05:03:00.000-07:00

Apparently I was rocking the ‘slob to the extreme’ look this morning.

I will admit that in mens size large tracksuit bottoms and a slovenly looking hoodie, (which was crying out to be washed), that I looked a little messy. But slob!? In my house you are not allowed to stay in bed past 8:30am at weekends and staying in your pyjamas all day is deemed a crime , punishable by words dripping with sarcasm and mockery. Anyway, I was sent back to my room to change and emerged looking ‘much better’ minutes later. I was having an off morning that’s all. Sigh.

How do you like ...

2008-04-13T05:00:00.000-07:00

your body in the morning?

I like mine with clarins!

If only I saw this in the mirror each day!

My mother has bought so much Clarins over the years she’s probably responsible for 2% of the total UK sales of all time, or very close to. She is nearly 50 but many of my friends seem to gasp in awe ( Nooo! Really?!) when I tell them and her average poll age is about 40. I think stress has aged her more than anything – having twins at 38 and also going through breast cancer didn’t help. However when she’s all dressed up I think she looks gorgeous, and great for her age.

White-Hot Terror At 200 MPH!

2008-04-13T04:55:00.000-07:00

I have been having driving lessons for just over a month now, even though my birthday was in December. Didn’t see the need for the extreme rush that most of my year seemed to have and although my boyfriend was all up himself over how little I seem to achieve each lesson, last Monday I had a good'un.

I was finally unleashed onto the roads for a whole hour, in Ruislip. Now, it’s a pretty nice place so I sort of did 70% concentration on driving, 30% "I love Ruislip look at the pretty houses!" Not a brilliant idea.

I’m not too bad, biggest failure points so far being

a) Looking at the gears whilst changing them = veering off to the left

b) Reaching for the gear stick and having my hand wafting around the handbrake

c) Forgetting to change to 2^nd in moments of panic before a turn

Driving skill is definitely ‘tight corners’

Driving name? ‘Speedy McDreamy’

Apparently my instructor has passed people in 12 lessons and I have my 6th on Tuesday..pressure pressure!