Come back to me

I'm sorry blogger.
I've made up my mind.
We've shared some good times,
we've shared some bad times but
I've made a decision. I'm leaving you.
I'm leaving you for tumblr, because there
I can express myself, through other peoples words.
Because I don't seem to be able to do so on my own just yet.

*but don't worry. I'm sure I'll be back

You probably got it all figured out

I don't like post overload but this is an amazing Hermann Hesse quote which sums up exactly how I feel;

“The diabolical thing about melancholy is not that it makes you ill but that it makes you conceited and shortsighted; yes, almost arrogant. You lapse into bad taste, thinking of yourself as Heine’s Atlas, whose shoulders support all the world’s puzzles and agonies, as if thousands, lost in the same maze, did not endure the same agonies. ”





I can't think of any pictures that will make me feel better

Say Anything

I hate being all melancholy and acting like someone just died, but I just don't know what else to do.
I try to take solace in the things I read, but they just end up upsetting and confusing me further.




I mean, how do you go from this, which tells you to risk everything and do whatever it takes, to this, which tells you to let them go...




I just want to be told what to do. Tell me that you're mine or tell me to let you go. Just say anything...something. Talk to me. Please.

Here we go again...

I want to say it's happening all over again but then again, it never really had an ending to start with.
I thought a few months would be enough, but it really wasn't. It was my fault last time, and guess what, I'm guilty again. There are times I wish I could go back so that we never happened, so I wouldn't have to feel like this now... but then I remember all the lovely things and they almost make it worth while. Yet I hate to remember them because it makes my situation now so much more real, and its heart breaking. I know it happens to everyone at least once but I can't help but feel so alone and like no-one else understands. I wake up some mornings and forget, sort of like when you wake up and for a few seconds you're still half asleep...you smile and think everything is fine, then it takes another couple of seconds for your brain to remind you, actually sweetheart, this is whats real, this is your life now, you're not together anymore ....then I just want to will myself back to sleep where I can dream and pretend, so I don't have to walk around with a fake smile and try hard not to cry infront of my friends.

Everything is so much harder. Sometimes I'm lucky and I don't think about it for a while, but other times it's just there, constantly in my head. Last time I couldn't even get up and put the kettle on without bursting into tears. My family got sick of it, and I suppose that helped me to stop. I'm just so confused right now, and I think I'm most likely going to be disappointed again but I have a TINY TINY bit of hope that I'm holding on to.......




I wish.

Girl, you'll be a woman soon...

My birthday is in 7 days and I don't think I've been this excited about it since I got into double figures! However, being 18 will have some draw backs; I can't get away with going untaxed at work and I can't use the 'I'm not 18' excuse to get rid of people trying to make me fill out questionnaires for life insurance.

Last month was not an experience I'd like to repeat and I'm really glad that it has only taken a few small things to make me feel really happy again. December '08 is set to be amazingly fun and hopefully I'll have a smile all the way through.

So don't let me down, okay? I'm countin' on you to make me famous

I feel so let down and humiliated right now. I just want to get away from it all...

Yeah, in South Africa, a long time ago. I wonder if he'll recognize me

Days since tour ended - 4

Days I have been moping -4

Going away on tour with your school I have decided, is one of the best experiences you can have as a teenager. Realising it doesn't last forever is one of the worst. I had such a brilliantly amazing time away and being back home makes me feel suffocated and restricted. I miss the people, the places we visited and all the fun we had. I've got memories that will last a lifetime and a new found desire to see as much of the world as I can. Also, a new career in the works - a travel writer!